I don’t know what it is about these past 2 or so days. It is most likely the result of the spring break binge drinking for the past week. I’ve drank more beer and taken more shots in the past week than I have this entire year. Literally though. I never drink liquor because it gets me too drunk which I don’t normally like to do, but I made an exception for this week. And oh my god. I’m actually pretty impressed with myself at how well I handled my liquor.
Well I just went off on a tangent. What I came here to say is that I have not been feeling well. There’s something going on in my head and I can’t really understand what or why it is. I just know that it feels really off and unsettling. The last two mornings I started drinking at 10:30am to get rid of the feeling. This was completely appropriate for spring break but certainly not today. The desire to do it again is still here though. I’m really, really hoping this is just because of all the alcohol in my system or some type of withdrawal. I just hope it passes.
I got a lot of feelings and they’re pissing me off. Like I just read a bunch of john green quotes. It’s that kind of mood. I had a lot of fun with this guy in my friend group this trip. Interpret fun however you choose. Anyway, it was just a fling. I don’t like this guy in that way. What I did like was how nice it felt to have a guy around. I miss having a boyfriend. For the longest time, I’ve been very happy single. Happier than I’ve ever been to be single. I was never okay with it until the past few months I finally learned how to be single and happy. But after this little spring break fling, it’s made me crave a relationship again. And just to reiterate, I don’t crave one with this guy. He’s adorable and a good guy but were not a good match romantically speaking. Basically, I just wrote a paragraph dancing in circles around this simple fact: I’m lonely.
I’m also worried about the imminent doom that is college ending. I have a lot of stress on the horizon. I wanted to stay in Alabama on spring break forever. It was like life was put on pause. It did not feel like real life. Like time had stopped and I was living a different life for a short period of time. I loved it, I really did. The concerns I addressed about my mood in the beginning of this post are probably misleading. I was in a great mood while I was drinking. And I was drinking 90% of the trip. I had several moments where I looked around and appreciated the moment and acknowledged to myself how happy I was in that moment and savored it. I am really bummed that it’s over. But I suppose all good things gotta come to an end. I wish they didn’t.
This post is not as interesting or insightful as my others. I say this like people actually read this. Maybe one person will. Oh well. I do this for me anyway. It helps me put shit into perspective. So sorry for clogging your feed with the ramblings of my mind, lol. I’m in the car ride home right now. So I got a lot of time to kill as well.
I’m out of shit to say for now. Something tells me I’ll have more crap to write and get off my mind not too long from now.